What is PPPD?
PPPD stands for "Persistent Post-Perceptual Dizziness." It's basically the
constant feeling of dizziness, spinning, swaying, and/or other involuntary
movements that the body is not actually making, but feeling!
While it's been documented since the assumed 1800's, the old definition is
now called "Agoraphobia", and has taken on a new meaning since its
officiation in 2025! This constant neurological moving sensation is still
being researched by the Mayo Clinic as of this blog, but right now it's
considered lifelong and tends to be caused by an injury, migraines, anxiety,
panic, or any other "alert-inducing" event. After this happens, the brain
ends up staying stuck on "alert mode" for a long time, bracing itself for...
Basically nothing! Causing the disorientation in those who have it. (Me, in
this case.)
My Initial Injury
On or around May 28th 2023, was my High School Graduation Night ceremony
hosted at Six Flags Magic Mountain. Immediately upon arrival, I started
talking to my friends–one moment, I was looking back to speak to someone,
the next? BAM! My right temple straight into a thick metal pole. I
was stunned and frankly, even with my high pain tolerance, I've never felt a
pounding like that in my skull before. My friends laughed, nobody said
anything, we all ended up walking into the park.
The first thing I did when my friends went to go to the restroom was sit down
and cry. My jaw hurt, my eyes went fuzzy, the only person who asked if I was
okay was a stranger! My biggest mistake was not finding a teacher or going
to the park's medic. I had no experience with or knowledge about head
injuries at the time, but if I could, I would go back and tell myself to go
see a medic.
When I sat down, I called and messaged my mother. I sent her a picture of my
crooked jaw, called her crying, and told her I hit my head. She told me
"Don't fall asleep and you'll be fine." When I asked if I should still get
on the rides: "See how you feel. If you feel fine, do it, if you don't,
don't." Since my trust in her was absolute at this point in time, after
skipping a couple of rollercoasters my friends went on, I decided I felt
well enough to go on X2 and other rides.
I almost frew up,,,
So anyway!
Yeah my ass did NOT FEEL GOOD but I think I was mostly on an adrenaline high
of being awake at 3 in the morning, going on rollercoasters, celebrating my
High School graduation amongst other things of being 17 years old. Not much
happened after the initial injury. I got cold, bought a hoodie. I knew I
wanted to sleep on the bus ride back so I bought a Hyena Squishmallow
(that I still have to this day!) and absolutely adored him on the way
back. We ended up getting back home at around 5-6 AM. I felt fine, so I
thought nothing of it. Well, fast forward 5 months later and my entire life
fucking changes for the worst!
The Month That Changed My Life
First of all, November was already shit. My family didn't do shit for
Halloween, which hurt me since this was the first time we didn't carve
pumpkins together. I ended up doing it alone as you see there. I cried. A
lot. I was feeling especially alone at this time since I didn't have any
friends, no other family there for me, and I still couldn't land a job or
figure out what I wanted to do in life.
And then November 5th happened.
I have very little memory of the actual events on that day, but the picture
of the Koi Fish above? That was the day I went to Knott's Berry Farm, which
in my camera roll has metadata of being created on November 5th. Taking that
picture was the last thing I remember before getting on one of their
rollercoasters. I don't remember which one it was, but I got on, and it was
the worst rollercoaster experience of my life, and I've been on A LOT
of them. It was shaky, jolting, and at some point during the ride it forced
my head down, pushing my chin down to my chest. I couldn't lift it back up
and it was incredibly painful for my neck. When I got off, I immediately
wanted to throw up. I never felt like that after a rollercoaster before! It
scared the fuck out of me! So I told my parents and we went to sit down.
They figured it was my blood sugar dropping, so they got me some sort of
purple raspados and we just kinda sat there for a while. We called it a
night, it was already late at that point, and we went back to the hotel.
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Initially, I was very shaky and wanted to pass out, but I hadn't ate food yet
so we got McDonald's and it just did not taste good. I ended up going to
sleep after drawing a sad little doodle.
A couple weeks later, late Nov-early Dec, I was drawing on my computer when I
suddenly had a wave of dizziness come over me. I felt tired and figured it
was just me being sleepy, since I was usually up till 5 AM drawing, so I
took a nap in the middle of the day.
When I woke up, nothing was ever the same since. I was dizzy 24/7. I tried to
draw–nope, dizzy. I tried to sit in my chair–dizzy. I tried to shower–dizzy.
I was so frustrated that I was crying every day.
Testing, Testing and More Testing...
My mother tried to give me oranges, B12 pills, other supplements and
suggesting it was my anxiety. Just in case, she took me to a Wallgreens
clinic to test for any vitamin deficiencies, and nothing. All came back
textbook perfect. We even got our own blood sugar monitor and I was still in
the good numbers! We figured it would pass.
It didn't. By January, I was so mentally distressed from my constant
dizziness that I was scratching, cutting and hitting myself. I was basically
on bedrest indefinitely. Scrolling my phone was a nightmare, drawing was a
nightmare and I couldn't even sit in chairs without going lopsided. When my
mother suggested to move the chair outside, I lost it. I was in tears,
again... My dad got so fed up that he yelled at me asking what was wrong. I
told him for the millionth time "I'm dizzy", so he took me to the ER while
complaining about going to the ER in the first place. Which was why I
didn't fucking ask earlier!
The doctor tested my vision, reaction, etc. and said I had vertigo. He gave
me drammamine and sent me out. Now, I look back at it and I'M
PISSED!!! That doctor did the bare fucking minimum!!! Obviously, the
drammamine didn't work, and my parents were pissed thinking I was making it
up. The bill would've been $2,000 had my dad not sent me alone in a fit of
rage. The county decided to give me emergency Medicaid...
So by this point after January I was basically bedbound. I was sleeping 24/7,
couldn't do anything, couldn't shower, it was the most miserable time of my
life. I was so scared to eat in case I got sick, so I started eating less at
a time, but more frequently as snacks to make up for it. Well, my dad
started to pin the dizziness on my eating habits, making me think I was
starving myself and leading me to overstuff myself to the point of sickness.
I cried so much that week and kept sending them pictures of my food bowls so
they could see that I finished it...
Eventually, I got tired of making myself sick along with already being
involuntarily sick. So I started snapping back at them. After a couple
months, they got the idea and started backing off.
My mother was getting annoyed and concerned, so somewhere in Q1 of 2024 she
took me to Tijuana three times: Once for an ear infection, second for a
vestibular exam and thrice for a CAT scan appointment. My mother handled the
translating since I can't speak spanish, and hers is clearer than my dads'.
The ear infection was promptly cleared, though it wrecked my stomach. I was
on 3 different antibiotics for 2 weeks. I could only really eat applesauce
and crackers after that. It took a couple months to get my diet back to
normal, but it did!
The second exam appointment was very thorough. They flushed water into my
ears, had me listen to high-pitched noises, follow moving lines, etc. They
noted my previous ear infection as cleared up and sent me on my way saying I
was all good.
The CAT scan was really quick and we got our results maybe a month later in
Q4 2024? Basically: No brain bleeds, no hemorrhages, brain is physically
looking happy! We were just happy to see nothing was visibly wrong. I
decided to accept my new reality as anxiety and just be glad that my brain
looked ok.
Except... My mother lied about the vestibular exam.
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